black – Myalogy

BMF-ers

zyansaeed615 / January 26, 2023

YEP. Lets slide on the D….Detroit ya filthy animals. So after skipping the first season as myalogists know i am wont do to, lets start here. Meech: is a one man leadership Team now that Terry is fully part of a transportation company with his dumb ass daddy (more on him later) and HE’S A DADDY! Him and KashDoll done made a cute lil girl!!! YAY! One person who I do not think will be happy about this is Lamar, Kash’s first baby daddy who we were lead to believe was dead at the end of last season. But nope…here he is, nearly dead, but with enough strength to incapacitate an able bodied policeman, slip out a hospital unnoticed whilst leaving a trail of blood, stagger down the road in a hospital gown in the rain, and hey, I guess you cant stop the rain and the rain cant stop his ass either, before running into his cousin, a mortician. Cuzzo rehabs him, and lets him steal a dead man’s shoes before, attempting to end Meech, who was on his way to a set up meet designed by Cop Harris to bring him down. The hospital is a great deal better than prison. Meech’s other storyline deals with his new plug “K9” – a ruthless assed mofo who cut the mouth off of the last plug. This week he wants Meech to bring a rival to him alive…a rival that is fucking his old lady…but that aint the reason. Like most civilized peole K9 dont like loud mouthy people. So he sets Meech out to bring his rival back to him – alive – and meech can get the duji…oops wrong show and time period….the dope. Meech gets the drop on him, and a shoot out follows which leaves the prize lifeless. Meech returns the body to K9 who tells him he needs to learn to follow directions and their businesss has now concluded. Terry: can we talk about him yall? Like this boy does alot of shit to still be in high school. Like really, Charles? You gonna be talking corporate strategy with your son and then tell him to do his home work? Terry is at least 40 yrs old, the jig is up. Terry is all into the car business, innovating new procedures and practices, as well as being all up into the artist formerly known as lala aka TAFKAL. I always hear tales of men talking bout how when they lost their virginity they were 12 and the woman was 27 and I always wanna barf..who are these women and who hurt yall? Thats predatory AF and TAFKAL is a grown married woman with children playing girlfriend to a high school, I hope – senior. On to the show, Terry made a powerful enemy out of a man who runs the airport bidness and gets one of the car company’s car’s tires slashed. Denise, who recently joined the company is down for a little street retribution and her and Terry sugar the tanks like the bad bitches they are and fuck with the brakes on airport boss’s car. They follow him one night and the brakes fail…the car and him, as him and his big brother pull his ass out the car and beat the brakes off of him. Problem solved, right? The Flenory’s: man if charles dont get his bitch ass outta here…done went and fixed someone else’s home while your home looking like the before on an HGTV show, and got the nerve to dance with the whore. Now I know ya old lady done confided in pastor Big Wig and that seemed to be a bridge too far, but like Lucille said, he is a man of God and posed to be their spiritual leader and if opening a credit card in your daughters name and buying a maxi negligee that got all our grannie’s bills paid aint helping, maybe a word from the passa will…spoiler alert: it did not. Charles done threatened Passa Big Wig to stay out his bidness, a request that has been granted for now. Find a new place for them adult mags, nicka! BMick and The Cop: man if bmick dont kill this fool soon. Isnt it great how fucked up we are AS A PEOPLE (my fave phrase ever), just like Andre on Snowfall, we hear how a policeman is bemoaning the deterioration of their community and we be like FUCK DA POLICE…i love us forreal. But seriously….the cop be sneaking up like a god damn whisper in the wind…there to light b’s squares and everything! Like dont you have a home? A wife? A bitch? ANY DAMNED THING? He puts the screws on bmick to have him lure meech to a meet where he will promptly be arrested. The cop watches from afar, waiting for bmick to lead meech to the meet, when bmick jumps out the car like he is making a phone call…not sure what he wanted the outcome of that to be, but its enough time for Lamar to roll up and blast meech….the Flenory family will yet again be praying for one of their own to make it out alive….which spoiler alert, according to many good homies in the A, he does. Whatchall think? Lucille gonna give it up to Pastor Big Wig? Charles gonna keep dancing with Ms. Parker? Is Lala gonna become a sexual predator? Lets all tune in next week and find out!

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A Study in Black and White

zyansaeed615 / July 18, 2016

Myalogist! Ive been unable to can the last couple of weeks with all the goings on and I could talk about them, but I wont, at least not for now. My personal Clive Davis (with me being his sans-crack still alive Whitney) has told me that he would like to reboot this blogsite you, my momma and my cousins read and it got me to thinking that I should write more frequently or at the very least get my co-conspirators to do so…Tone, Big, Tray? #nopressure and #allthepressure. Anyhoots, so imma try to be more faithful to this thing that I hope will break the chains of employment for me. I wont announce any future plans for this space, cuz I likely wont follow thru on them, so for now, just enjoy what you will read today. Today, I will be sharing with you the blackest and whitest things I have seen since we last communed. This will not contain any triggers, but may make you shake your head at your cousins and whatever word my white friends use for their segment of their population who makes them feel great shame and righteous indignation, and no, im not talk bout the poLIcE sillies! THE BLACK BLACKITY BLACKEST OF THEM ALL THIS WEEK: I wish this was a joke. I saw this on Revolt, a station I love because it simulcasts The Breakfast Club starring CHARLAMAGNE MY GOD and two very average yellow people and it introduces me to tons of new music. (lurve that song, makes me happy) Apparently there was a one day pop up photo exhibit in my second home of Atlanta, assembled to celebrate the artistry and influence of………………………Gucci Mane. GUCCI. MANE. This exhibit is the labor of love of one Mr. Cameron Kirkland better known as CAM KIRK. Cam is a proud Morehouse graduate who went on to make a mark in the hip hop scene in ATL as an unofficial, then official photog. He’s worked with a lot of folks, yall. But apparently none more influential as Gucci. Yep….as the opening narration tells us, over a dramatic operatic original score, Cam feels that Gucci is a myth, an icon, and a legend whose influence was much needed in the world at large. Now, I am a pretty well rounded forty year old black chick, who spent a great chunk of her formative years in Atlanta, and I for the life of me, cannot figure out how I missed this information. Maybe you missed it too. That would make me feel less, something. Myth, icon, legend. Got it. Let’s keep this information in mind as we move thru the rest of this piece. The purpose of this exhibit, per Cam, is to provide the vaunted “CULTURE” with something they could touch, see, taste and even smell; a once in a lifetime experience in which he will bring the FANTASY of the trap god to life. He’s created an environment in which you can admire and idolize the trap god lifestyle. (These his words yall; not mine.) Walk with me…lets see if he accomplished what he set out to do. Let’s see how inspiring this is. Let’s see what THE CULTURE BENEFITS. Have these images left you feeling sad that you missed the exhibit? Are you verklempt over not seeing this groundbreaking contribution to THE CULTURE? Have you felt like you saw all of this shit in every rap video ever made since the creation of gangsta rap? Well depending on your answers you can either shake your head at the niggatry or click here to see the full trailer of the blackest thing you will see this week. THE WHITEST THING YOU WILL SEE THIS WEEK. This is Paul Ryan, speaker of the House of Representatives of the United States of America, posing with Capitol Hill interns, in the melting pot of the world. This is the whitest thing I’ve seen this week, and I went to a “Carribbean Fest” in Tinley Park, Illinois that had no jerk food, no steel drums, no reggae, but did have pizza, brats, tamales, people wearing lei’s cuz apparently the hawaii is the carribbean, all set to the festive music of Robert Van Winkle and whoever sings “Pump Up The Jam” – this pic still wins.

Recaps, Uncategorized

Oscar on the Rocks, Hold the Bullshit.

zyansaeed615 / March 1, 2016

man the fucking internet makes me so fucking mad, which is probably not new information. Everybody got a fucking opinion about everydamnthing. (yeah, I know) I wanted to slit my fucking (what is that the fourth fuck of the post?) wrists wide open Monday morning. Fucking (5th) think pieces from colored people across the land that was POSED TA BE boycotting the Oscars. He made racism a joke! Aint nothing funny bout hanging from a tree! He aint takin up for Mexicans! He made an Asian joke! Thats’s racist! He came for a black woman! Dont come for Jada unless she sends for you! (can we all agree to retire that one?) I aint even watch five seconds of the fucking (6th and last, maybe) shit and I feel as if i know all the jokes, but none of the winners, which I dont care about CEPT BAE. BAE won, y’all. FINALLY. Please make me famous,so I can meet him and we can become The Guiness record holders for oldest parents. Ahem…WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, and WHY, Sway? Why everybody gotta dissect the hell out of the man’s monolouge? Why Tyrese black ass gotta have something to say? Shouldn’t he be busy telling Black women why they are habitually single and angry? If you qualified to tell me whats wrong with me, and lets be honest, that list is long, why aint you smart enough to UNDERSTAND A FUCKING (7th, I tried tho) JOKE. Exhausting. I aint even finna keep talmbout us talking bout us, cuz this morning, two days after the Oscars, I came across a great piece talking bout the others. On The Academy’s inherent exclusionary caucasity, Christopher Rock said, “It’s not the racist you’re accustomed to. Hollywood is sorority racist, like, ‘We like you, Rhonda, but you’re not a Kappa.” I would like to say I was gobsmacked….but, I wasn’t. Very little suprised me in a world where we holding mock slave auctions for high school students like it’s cool. But these lil heffas, here? Only thing suprising here is Stacey Dash isn’t a tweeting Kappa. So unaware. So smug. So stupid. Kappa Kappa Gamma must be the only Sorority in the World with Kappa in its name. Cuz white people are the only people in the world, if you look at the Academy Awards. As I always (twice) do, I check in with my fave and yours, Tone to see what’s got him tuned up on a Tuesday – turns out, his black ass watched the Oscars…maybe, but he def has an opinion on it. Tone? #OscarsSoWhite #OscarsBeenSoWhite #ChrisRockStillBlack Let me just say that I personally don’t watch the Oscars. IMO it has never been a show that offered anything that persons of color would enjoy. Unless you are heavily into obscure movies with subtitles that only made $14.00 worldwide at the Box office. So the recent #OscarsSoWhite furor confuses me because the show has always been the same. At any rate, the #OscarsSoWhite thing was something to crow about this year and who better than to preside over the festivities than everyone’s favorite on screen crackhead (apologies to Samuel L. Jackson) Chris Rock. Chris is a funny dude and his social and political satire is typically dead on. The whole #OscarsSoNotEbony “controversy” would surely give him plenty of ammo. It was enough to make me almost end my 40 year boycott of #OscarsSoAngloSaxon and check out his shtick. But alas, it was not to be. The Oscars come on the same day as #TheWalkingDeadSoWhite and at least there is a black zombie or 3 to cheer for or against depending upon whose side you are on in the zombie apocalypse. (that’s another article though) So I wake up the next day after my zombie fix and I see that Twitter is abuzz with reviews of Chris Rocks performance. Most people were generally complimentary but I saw some outrage about Chris monologue. So I went ahead and found video clips of what he said. I’m confused about what people are outraged about. He stated that Hollywood is racist and don’t do enough to promote diversity. Ummm, this is true. (I’m still mad that Booty Call didn’t get nominated back in the day personally). There were people upset that he used nearly the entire monologue to discuss #OscarsSoIvory. What else was he going to discuss?? The fact that ¾ of us have never or will never see most of the movies that win at the Oscars. They brought Chris in there because they knew he could capably navigate the subject and keep us entertained. Mission Accomplished. They were especially mad that he riffed on Jada Pinkett Smith and said she wasn’t even invited. I personally thought this was funny too. And true. Plus Jada didn’t need to come anyway because she needs to spend some more time at home with her kids helping them remember what gender they are. Well that’s all for now. Until the next time people are fake mad about something. Thanks for the memories Chris. Special shout to Clorox Bleach for their continued sponsorship of the Academy awards.

Recaps, Uncategorized

And Now a Word on Blackyonce

zyansaeed615 / February 11, 2016

By this late date, you are more than aware that Beyonce has instantly become the most black woman, dare I say person, in America. She got on the world stage where the previous blackest title holder was Janet’s nip. She done told yall that she likes Blue’s hair in an Afro, even tho that doesn’t explain why she sometimes likes it with lint in it, but I digress. (im not linking to that picture, she’s a child, a beautiful lil black one for chrissakes, but Im a lowlife at times so if you wanna see it, hit me up in the DM, where it goes down). She single handedly saved one of the most important black institutions in America, The Red Lobster. That alone should grant her instant savior status. Where else would yall go after church, graduations, baptisms, the mall, exorcisms, a lover’s quarrel, a clean pap smear, etc. And although Im not a member of the vaunted Beyhive, I picked up what she put down, with that Formation move. Luckily for me and for those of you that pretend that you liked that song, I got to see the video sans music, cuz I was in a ghetto ass shop on Ashland doing something almost as black as that video – getting my hair crochet-did. That shit was black as fuck. BLM. Afros. Nostrils. NOLA. Katrina. POLICE brutality. Made me think bout Kanye for a moment, when he was still black post-Katrina, then I felt dirty, repented and stopped. I have my thoughts on the timing of the release followed immediately by high as giraffe ladyparts concert tickets RIGHT AROUND TAX TIME, but I aint in attendance for me today. I am in attendance for one of the funniest folks I know, one Antonio Bealer. I asked that negro what he thought. One question. What do you think about Beyonce…and this nword wrote a dissertation in my inbox! Hivers….go away. You wont be happy. Antonio? On Sunday as I was watching Cameron J. Newton and Co. lay down and let the already insufferable Manning family add another ring to their collection, (Why Black Jesus, why?) a popular singer named Beyonce Knowles (you may have heard of her once or twice) debuted a song that made a political statement during halftime. While singers using these platforms to make political statements is nothing new, this was a whole new world for the singer who previously pioneered the art of surfboarding and leading packs of single women to dance around in a circle celebrating their single-ness while she went home to her husband every night. Needless to say, it caused quite a firestorm. Sometime between the end of the game and now despite her brief experience as a freedom fighter she has been installed as the new leader of Black Panther 2K16 by the powers that be and there have been oh so many social media battles between us peasants about Queen Bees motives, impact and how anybody who didn’t agree with what she did is a hater. SMFH. So I’d like to take a moment to say…. STOP IT. All of you. Stop right now. Stop it to all those who thinks that somehow Beyonce has channeled her inner Angela Davis and is gonna somehow inspire others to finally recognize that Black Lives do indeed MATTER. If I need someone to inspire women to drink large quantities of Ciroc and profess their love for “bae” or to eloquently throw their man out the house while only making left turns and leaving the keys to the Jag because she bought that, Then Beyonce will be the 1st person I turn to. When it comes to making anthems for ladies to follow (even tho she herself probably wouldn’t) she is indeed the queen. As Winnie Mandela 2.0 im not really buying what she’s selling. I for one just find it to be far too coincidental that this outburst came just as tickets for the Look at Me Stand Up for Yall Now When These Tickets Go On sale Tour went on sale. I say stop it to the media and government officials in America and abroad who are calling for boycotts and investigations into her alleged “Black Panther” ties. Are yall serious right now? Did yall listen to this song. I didn’t know whether to go lie down on an expressway in protest or head to Red Lobster with a bottle of hot sauce for some of those Cheddar Biscuits. The song was dumb as hell and although I don’t know her personally I’m gonna say her ties to an militant groups, ummm don’t exist. Unless you get the girls she dissed in destiny’s Child back together. Now there’s some black rage there. A double stop it to all the people who think EVERYTIME somebody doesn’t agree with one of their superhero’s (oh yes the Queen is an Avenger) that they are a hater. Beyonce and Jay are shrewd business people and had to have known that this mini controversy would generate publicity that no marketing campaign ever could. Furthermore, those performances are on tape delay. If what she sang was so bad, they would have NEVER aired it to 111 million people worldwide. Its ok to have divergent opinions people. If you love Beyonce and she inspires you to do better than so be it. Do you. Love on Top made me wanna change my life too. So I get it. But if you like me, think this was a shrewd publicity stunt, then theres nothing wrong with that. You shouldn’t have to be attacked on social media by the Beehive for dissing the Queen. They have a right to be angry after seeing those tickets prices for the On the Run From The Man Tour. At any rate. Stop. Enjoy the Show. Because that’s all it is. READ IT. LIKE IT? SHARE IT!

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2/1 News You Can Use

zyansaeed615 / February 1, 2016

Since Im waiting on Tone and have nothing better to do, I thought I’d do a blog post, since I pay for this domain name and shit. Hey black people! While we arguing bout rapey old black men and dueling baby mommas of a never was rap star, Congress was further disenfranchising you! Here’s it is: Trecretashionvaris goes to buy a benz on his administrative assistant salary. Benzo sends his deets to the bank. Bank tells benzo “we only gonna hit him with a 8% interest rate, but if you wanna make some more money on your end make it 12%.” Benzo 1 looks at Benzo 2 and says “wait, he’s a darkie, hit him with that 16% so we can make MORE MONEY MORE MONEY MORE MONEY!” The homies over at CFPB (The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau) said : “wait a minute muthafuckas! yall gotta stop overcharging our nubian brothers and sisters and other “persons of color”, and if you dont, you better make sure you charge everyone the same interest rate.” The dealers said “talmbout same interest rate. fuck you mean. wait thats too hard, we cant be expected to treat car shoppers equally. Lobbyist do your job! Create a bill allowing us to continue to be discriminatory. Tell Congress we need help robbing people!” And Congress heard their plea, looked into their clear eyes and strong hearts, and answered their call. Here are the Illinois Democrats that sold us out. (sorry other states, you have to look it up for yourself.) 8th District – Tammy “UP FOR 2016 RE-ELECTION” Duckwork – 847.413.1959 17th District – Cheryl “Cheri UP FOR 2016 RE-Election” Bustos – 202.225.5905 11th District Bill Foster – 630.585.7672 3rd District Dan Lipinski – 708.424.0853 5th District Mike Quigley – 773.267.5926 AND IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE: Do with all of this information what you will. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/democrats-car-dealers-racism_us_564e440ae4b0258edb30ba10 ************************************************************************************************************************************** Flint. Poor, poor Flint. By know we all know whats going on in that poor town. And there are several people that should be in jail, much like here in our beloved Chicago, but I digress. The water is fucked. The people are fucked. The town is fucked. What you probably didnt know, is that way before the water was undrinkable, unbathable etc, the town was being used for fucking target practice. YEPPERS. Michael Moore, the peoples champ and official #feelthebern-er, wrote an article about the 10 things we dont know about Flint. Horrifyingly enough he wrote about how the town was being used for two years as target pratice. Unnanounced military exercises were taking place “complete with live ammo – GRENADES AND SHIT – and explosives” inside city limits! Yep. This would be the perfect time to go find Yeezus and ask him to talk about folks not caring about black people, but Yeezus is dead. RIP. (shouts out to all the Chi-Towners doing their part during the Flint water crisis. I see you. So does the Good Lord. http://ecowatch.com/2016/01/30/michael-moore-flint/ ************************************************************************************************************************************** EL CHAPO Is in jail. He did not escape. I wish I was surpised at how often I saw this article shared on social media, but Im not. The fake site did a good job this time as it presented itself with a url very close to abcnews’s, but……. From the “about us” section of the website: Do you have a complaint? We love to hear them! You can call our complaint department directly at (785) 273-0325. Do you have a problem with self-rape? Are you looking to get off the Devil’s playground?Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin can help! Praise Fappy! FAPPY. THE. ANTI. MASTURBATION. DOLPHIN. And y’all believed that shit.