YO! I’ve been watching Greenleaf. I think you should too. If you are already watching, yay! KEEP READING. YOU IS SMART! YOU IS KIND! YOU IS…wait…wrong black woman. This is an Ofrey joint…not a Viola one. If you are not, walk with me, wontcha? Let’s go out the door and you can come back when you’ve caught up. Still here? LETS GO! Greenleaf is the story of a southern black mega church family dealing with themes common in the black community – infidelity, closeted homosexuality, incest, rape, teen drug use, suicide, police brutality, and ignit assed mommas. Actually, that makes it an All American story…and not just a black one. Grace “GG” Greenleaf is our protagonist here, the prodigal daughter instead of son. A talented preacha since birth apparently, (altho I dont think anyone other than Jeremiah Wright could be that light skinnded and still be able to bring down the house. I like my passas blue black), GG left the family fold after uncovering some horrible family secrets, and became a journalist. She returned to the family, much to the chagrin of her mom, to hold some feets to the fire and get some justice against those who have brought harm to her family, namely, the suicide of her sister Faith. This beautiful muthafucka here….Lynn Whitfield is doing the DAMNDEST thang as “Lady” Mae Greenleaf, HBIC of the Greenleaf family and first lady of the Calvary churchhouse. She is FIERCELY protective of her husband, Bishop Greenleaf, who I will be referring to as “Passa” for obvious reasons, her brother Mac, and all of her dark skinned children. She hates Grace in a way you have to see to believe. Keith David or David Keith, whatevs….he is MY DUDE since the getback. And this man is matching La Whitfield note for note on this show. Head of the family and the church, Bishop James Greenleaf, SEEMS to be a righteous man, with a heart of gold. He is passionate about his flock, and equally as passionate about living a grand, austere life. He, unlike his wife, is TOTALLY devoted to Grace and is over the moon about her return to the flock. However, his finances, freedom and health are under attack. This piece of shit is Robert “Mac” McCready, brother of Lady Mae and whatever Oprah’s characters name is, money man of the church, RKelly fan, Bill Cosby enthusiast, Subway devotee and the man who is pretty much responsible for Faith’s suicide, due to the fact that he doesn’t understand that you should really not rape people; you should really especially not rape lil girls; and you should super really especially not rape lil girls related to you. Requisite weak ineffective marginalized black man – CHECK. This is Jacob. He is ruled by his mom. He is ruled by his dad. He is ruled by his wife. He is ruled by his dick. Had his preaching powers stripped once his affair with a white chick was revealed – by his wife. Although I think it had more to do with GG coming home, than his affair. Whats a requisite weak ineffective marginalized black man without a shrill, cold, aggrieved, power hungry black woman? Enter Kerissa Greenleaf, wife, mother, bitch, Spelman grad. I present that last descriptor without commentary. #CAU She wants her man to be so much more than he even thinks he can be and SHOCK, she hates GG. This is baby sis Charity Greenleaf Satterlee, played by a Winans, so sanging scenes are mandatory. Largely dismissed by her entire family, even when she has something of worth to say. She somehow got pregnant by her husband, Kevin, a man more interested in Grindr, the new male homeless shelter director and every human with a penis than her. Here he is, doing what he does most of the time when he is not ogling hot guys and staring wistfully off into the distance. And just to make sure #teamlightskin goals are met, this slice of melba toast is Noah. Head of Security at the Church. He is currently engaged to some chick, but crazy in love with GG, who left him when the rainbow wasn’t enuff. He is helping her to take down Mac. He also just broke down and gave her the hot beef injection. He is hella lame to me. But I like my melanin challenged men with some scars or something. He has as much flavor as one of those white people fried chicken du jour places that are springing up all over Chicago. OH SNAP, how I forget Movah? Ofrey guest stars as Mavis McCready, despised enemy of her sister Mae and brother Mac, doting aunt to GG, and the one to put a battery in her back to get her to come back home to Memphis to bring down Mac, who she been knew aint right. She owns a blues lounge in Memphis and rocks a mean crochet job. These are the kids – Zora, Jacob’s daughter and Sophia, GG’s daughter. They are cute. They are intelligent. They do typical teenaged shit – like snort Adderall and sneak out the crib. And surprisingly they do not get on my nerves. Imma move on, cuz the intro was kinda long this week, and this wasn’t the best show (it was kinda slow) to kickoff the recaps, but hey…..ya get what ya get. Myalogy Minutes: Passa done shot Mac IN DA CHURCHHOUSE, cuz GG told him bout how he molested Faith. Dont worry tho…sadly the bullet went straight thru, so Mac aint gonna die. BUT, Mac is going to jail on molestation charges and he said if he go, Passa going with him….dun dun DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH. GG called the cops anyway even tho both Passa and Mac asked her not to. Cue, passa walkin out in cuffs. Cue Lady Mae cutting the hell out of GG with her
