politics – Myalogy

Its a Bird, Its a Plane, Its SUPER TUESDAY!

zyansaeed615 / March 16, 2016

Editors Note: I’ve had to edit this post as some horrid nosey people at my job have sadly discovered my blog. And since I need to work, I’d rather edit, than have to defend my work, at least until I dont have to work. Thanks. Whaddup dudes and dudettes? Couple questions. Do you love news? Do you love politics? Do you love elections? Have you ever wondered what goes on in a newsroom? Have you ever wondered what goes on in a newsroom on election night? Yep? COOL, cuz Im bout to tells ya. NO? Well, sit next to me and partake of this tall glass of Shut The Fuck Up and be quiet while I talk to the intelligent WOKE people. As some of you know, I work for a local news operation, which shall not be named EVER on this blog and who does not share nor endorse my views. Stick a pin in that info as you will need it as you move forward in the sharing of my life. 3pm: I arrive. A hush falls over my co-workers as the most beautiful black woman they have ever seen with an 8 week old dandruff laden crochet job and incredibly gorgeous Jesus delivered brows and eyelashes enters the room. 3:15pm: Nick’s ass walks up to me, doesnt say hello and asks if I know what time the pizza is arriving. I passively aggressively dismiss him in a way that has him apologizing to me for the rest of the night. NOTE: FOOD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT COMMODITY IN A NEWSROOM. Cameras go out? Cool. Printers down, no worries. Anchors on air drunk? We can handle that! Pizza’s gonna be late. PACK IT UP! We out this bitch. 4pm: Surfing the web to see what idiots and geniuses are posting on The Book, which is where I live. So many ‘I voted’ receipts. So many. So many pontificators. So many. So many political analysts that dont know that today is a primary day. Nothing except electoral votes will be won. Pretty sure as of this writing some of them think Donald Trump became president last night. 4:30pm – eternity: meeting with <REDACTED>, who explains she wants me to log speeches along with updating poll numbers and put out various fires that may arise. She took the time to explain what logging means, as I did not go to school for 12 years for a MASS MEDIA ARTS degree, apparently. AND does my favorite thing, which is to explain a simple ass task, repeatedly using different words and phrases, to explain the same damn point. 5:00pm: meeting with Web Producer who takes 3 minutes to explain a way more difficult task, with the assumption that we can read the notes and make it work. ME LIKE WEB PRODUCER. WEB PRODUCER SMART. WEB PRODUCER THINK ME SMART. 5:15pm: Nick is happy, as there is no longer a need to worry about when the food will arrive. 6:00pm: The cesspool known as Florida aka My mothers birthplace aka Stand ya groundland (not linking to that bitch ass) aka Marissa Alexander’s captor aka Hanging Chad Avenue aka the place that aint shit but rednecks cept the SoBe (shouts out to Cocaine Biceps), has closed the polls. It was only about 1% in at the time, but it was already a fucking landslide. Dude won and I believe Monica’s dip’s wife won as well. Marco Rubio figured out what the rest of us knew from the start….his beginning was his end. OUTTA THERE. Campaign Suspended. (suspended…thats cute) The numbers provided by the Associated Press (AP), which we were using to supply our viewers with info, were rapidly changing. So much so, it was hard to constantly update. Me and my compadre in arms, Nora, looked alot like this: The rest of the states slowly trickled in. Missouri, Ohio, That place, That other place, The place over there, that spot and home sweet home, Illinois, which lets be honest is all I really gave a fuck about and one race in particular. 7:45 Polls been closed for about an hour at this point, except for Kendall County, which predictably ran out of Democratic Ballots. PAUSE: while we are at this point in the story, why are separate ballots needed? Just list all that shit on one page, trust that I can read and comprehend simple things unlike my <REDACTED> believes and lets stop killing extra trees, K? UNPAUSE. Our political editor started screaming so loudly that the walls shook. He was raving about how The Bern got a court order to keep the polls open an extra hour due to the fuckery!!!!!! I thought we were going to perform CPR on him if he yelled ONE more time. 8:00pm The race being watched round the world or at least Cook County Illinois: The Foxx vs Ol Girl. At first look, I almost started footworking, which is amazing, cuz I dont dance and Im old, cuz in the race for Cook County States Attorney, Kim Foxx, the (Black) peoples champ was doing to Ol Girl what The Gimp did to Ving Rhames. GLORY!!!! But wait, inexplicably, her numbers are dropping. WHAT IN THE ENTIRE EFF? The phones started ringing off the hook. SOMEONE GET AP (thats associated press incase your reefah addled brain doesnt remember that from earlier in the post) on the phone!!! AP gets on the phone and tells us something is screwy and to sit tight. 8:15pm: More pizza. Another Pop. Bathrooom break. Give manfriend the silent treatment, while being on the phone with him, then refuse a ride home. (will it ever end?) 8:20pm: Someone yells, Mya! Will you log Donald Trumps speech? He’s on! WAIT JUST A GOT DAMN MINUTE. First you tell me to be at work at 7a to field produce the Barbershop cast surprising the kids at urban prep, then tell me you dont need me when I coulda stayed sleep.

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2/1 News You Can Use

zyansaeed615 / February 1, 2016

Since Im waiting on Tone and have nothing better to do, I thought I’d do a blog post, since I pay for this domain name and shit. Hey black people! While we arguing bout rapey old black men and dueling baby mommas of a never was rap star, Congress was further disenfranchising you! Here’s it is: Trecretashionvaris goes to buy a benz on his administrative assistant salary. Benzo sends his deets to the bank. Bank tells benzo “we only gonna hit him with a 8% interest rate, but if you wanna make some more money on your end make it 12%.” Benzo 1 looks at Benzo 2 and says “wait, he’s a darkie, hit him with that 16% so we can make MORE MONEY MORE MONEY MORE MONEY!” The homies over at CFPB (The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau) said : “wait a minute muthafuckas! yall gotta stop overcharging our nubian brothers and sisters and other “persons of color”, and if you dont, you better make sure you charge everyone the same interest rate.” The dealers said “talmbout same interest rate. fuck you mean. wait thats too hard, we cant be expected to treat car shoppers equally. Lobbyist do your job! Create a bill allowing us to continue to be discriminatory. Tell Congress we need help robbing people!” And Congress heard their plea, looked into their clear eyes and strong hearts, and answered their call. Here are the Illinois Democrats that sold us out. (sorry other states, you have to look it up for yourself.) 8th District – Tammy “UP FOR 2016 RE-ELECTION” Duckwork – 847.413.1959 17th District – Cheryl “Cheri UP FOR 2016 RE-Election” Bustos – 202.225.5905 11th District Bill Foster – 630.585.7672 3rd District Dan Lipinski – 708.424.0853 5th District Mike Quigley – 773.267.5926 AND IN CASE YOU DONT KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE: Do with all of this information what you will. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/democrats-car-dealers-racism_us_564e440ae4b0258edb30ba10 ************************************************************************************************************************************** Flint. Poor, poor Flint. By know we all know whats going on in that poor town. And there are several people that should be in jail, much like here in our beloved Chicago, but I digress. The water is fucked. The people are fucked. The town is fucked. What you probably didnt know, is that way before the water was undrinkable, unbathable etc, the town was being used for fucking target practice. YEPPERS. Michael Moore, the peoples champ and official #feelthebern-er, wrote an article about the 10 things we dont know about Flint. Horrifyingly enough he wrote about how the town was being used for two years as target pratice. Unnanounced military exercises were taking place “complete with live ammo – GRENADES AND SHIT – and explosives” inside city limits! Yep. This would be the perfect time to go find Yeezus and ask him to talk about folks not caring about black people, but Yeezus is dead. RIP. (shouts out to all the Chi-Towners doing their part during the Flint water crisis. I see you. So does the Good Lord. http://ecowatch.com/2016/01/30/michael-moore-flint/ ************************************************************************************************************************************** EL CHAPO Is in jail. He did not escape. I wish I was surpised at how often I saw this article shared on social media, but Im not. The fake site did a good job this time as it presented itself with a url very close to abcnews’s, but……. From the “about us” section of the website: Do you have a complaint? We love to hear them! You can call our complaint department directly at (785) 273-0325. Do you have a problem with self-rape? Are you looking to get off the Devil’s playground?Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin can help! Praise Fappy! FAPPY. THE. ANTI. MASTURBATION. DOLPHIN. And y’all believed that shit.

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The Pursuit of Mayoralness

zyansaeed615 / January 28, 2015

A couple of months ago, I was selected to be one of the “Top Bachelorettes of Chicago” — yeah y’all see it. It was a pretty dope event, but everyone there was much younger than me. There was this one dude in there, fly as hell, playing the back. I slid over, laid my game down quite flat, put the dimples on him and shit. We chitted and chatted. He told me he traveled a lot for his father’s company – was rarely in town. We exchanged numbers and ended up texting a week or so later, but nothing ever materialized. He floated to that place in my brain where people I meet in passing go to be forgotten. I’m quite certain I disappeared to that same exact place in his. Fast Forward a couple months, I’m lying on Frusband’s couch, watching some fair and balanced news, when I see a face on the screen, that I know, but don’t know. It was dude. It was a story about how his wealthy father was a not a dead beat dad, as his half-brother previously described him on that very same news program. I remember the complete story, but I ain’t gonna bore y’all with the details. At this point in the story, the only pertinent information is his daddy was running for mayor of Chicago and is worth 60 MILLION DOLLARS. What follows is where some of you will begin to think less of me and some of you will completely understand. Found him on The Book. Hit that message button and SLIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDD all up in his inbox. Said some old slick shit, we went back and forth a couple messages. He was still that cool dude I’d spent that evening with. I decided at that point, I would never run my big mouth about his dad on social media, for one day, I may be the First Lady of the Family Business. Today, I learned why people should not ever say never. His father forced my hand today. His father tapped danced all over my last good nerve. His father walked me right up to the edge, and pushed. His father challenged my resolve ….and his father’s name is Willie Wilson. I met Mr. Wilson when he came by my job to do an interview. When he and his contingency arrived, I thought them to be a church group. Nothing about them screamed politics. Nothing. It wasn’t until I saw him on his way out and he asked if he had my vote that I discovered he was running for mayor. I told him I had to check out his platform and I’d holla back. Well, check him out I did. In the interview with our political editor. In the infamous Chicago Tribune Questionnaire. On Chicago Tonight. On Hardball. And finally kids….in the Great Mayoral Debate of ’15. JEEZUS. Let me just say, for those of you who may not be familiar with Mr. Wilson, his is an incredible story. Google “Rags to Riches” and you are gonna see his face. This is a person who has truly picked himself up by his bootstraps and like most of us he wasn’t wearing a halo the entire time. There are skirmishes, accusations, deaths, personal setbacks and still, he rose. Despite only having a 7th grade education, this man has ascended to the heights that many of you can only dream. (SHADE TREE EMOTICON AT YALL) As he likes to remind us, he is two generations from slavery. His manner of speaking won’t let us forget that fact – it can be challenging at times to understand him. But he’s created and run a number of successful companies, so somewhere along the way someone knew exactly what the fuck he was talking about…FUCK MYA. So this is what made me give up my light weight quest for the throne. This is an actual tweet sent out by…..somebody in his camp, after the first mayoral debate. I suppose they felt victorious. The much vaunted “gotcha moment” had been achieved, I guess. It helps if you know how to spell your opponent’s name and understand subject verb agreement if you are attempting to feel superior to someone. He’s not ready to be Mayor. And that’s fine. Many argued Barack wasn’t ready to be President, but he was. Willie don’t seem to give NO FUX about being mayor, and that, is not fine. His platform, or lack thereof, written responses, spoken responses and those he’s chosen to surround himself with, tell me that. If I’m wrong and you do have fux to give, Willie, pick up what I’m bout to lay down. 1. Please understand that Spell Check is your friend. It’s all of our friend, trust me. Please don’t ever again send out another written response nor TWEET without hitting the ol’check. Share this info with your press person too, K? 2. Get a one-way ticket out of Hollywood. Hendon. As in Rickey. He has you running for mayor of Black Chicago and that place does not exist. That nickel slick shit he does works on the west side. It ain’t gonna play all over the city. And another thing, lemme holla at you bout them radio spots Hollywood blessed you with…. 3. Stop talking bout Meigs Field. It’s not “hot-button” as they say in politics. No one is sitting out on Northerly Island on a warm summer night thinking about how they wish they weren’t there, but an airport they never went to was. Promise. 4. Hire some political consultants. Let Sister Mary’nem return to the Deaconess Board. I seent you on Election Night up on da stage with Boss Rauner. He bought a campaign, ask him for the homies number. 5. Don’t come back until you do all of the above. You are the shit in so many ways. You could likely teach a class at Harvard School of Business. Hell, a Pursuit of Happyness type of movie